i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
