what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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