Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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