oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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