God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
