I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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