Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
