come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
