I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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