NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
