im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
