You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Say something about gay babies.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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