If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
