That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fuck appropriateness.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
