You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
