You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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