I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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