Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
