Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
