Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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