I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
