it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
