I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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