i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
