Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
