my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
