you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
