do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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