i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
