Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
