hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
