just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
