she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
