i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
