i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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