A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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