exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
