good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
