Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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