Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's the barista slut.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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