Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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