Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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