so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
