I must be too annoying 4 u.
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
