What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
