mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
