guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
