i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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