Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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