What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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