Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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