i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
