how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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