I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
