I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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