I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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