I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
