Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
